Circle of Control – Mental Health Toolbox Part 7 – The Screwdriver

The journey we embark on is full of choices, adjustments, successes, and failures. As we fill up our toolbox, in hopes of managing our mental health, there is a lesson that is very important for us to learn, understand and implement. “The only thing we can control is ourselves.” Here is the Mental Health Toolbox Part 7 – The Screwdriver – the “Circle of Control”.

“We can’t control the winds, but we can adjust the sail”

The Screwdriver – Circle of Control

As I walk through the tools in my mind, I picture a screwdriver. A screwdriver is an essential tool used to install and remove, as well as tighten and loosen. A screwdriver is used with force to control how a screw goes into the desired area. The screwdriver reminds me of the “Circle of Control.” 

The Circle of Control is a visual reminder, that WE are the force that controls our environment. The Circle of Control tells us that the only things we have control over are ME, MYSELF, and I.  I believe that when we begin to establish this mindset, we will be free of the anxieties and worries of others that carry us throughout the day and our life. 

My sister Brooke reminds me of the circle of control. She likes organization, precise planning and stands strong on her thoughts and beliefs regardless of what others think. She does not waiver from her inner circle. This is how she is able to maintain her own self-care, organize her family, the goals she has in life, and any struggles she may face. She is resilient and I believe this comes from the foundation of her “Circle of Control.”

Imagine if you will hold up your hands, and make yourself a circle. This will be your guide to use every day when you begin to struggle. Anxieties creep back in, you feel your mood shifting, or your mind is flooded with thoughts of others and their behaviors. The circle of control is not a new concept, however, it’s something I feel we don’t learn enough about and can be a very valuable tool. I want to share with you my interpretation of what I feel the circle of control teaches us. Look through that circle you are holding up, that’s the only piece of this you need to focus on. Inside that circle is YOU! Everything outside this circle is the actions, behaviors, words, thoughts, and choices of others. Those are the things we have absolutely no control over. I want to walk you through what that means and how we are going to apply this circle to our life.

The Circle of Control Wheel – Your Thoughts

The first item you will find in your wheel is control over – Your thoughts

As we travel through our adult years, we tend to develop a mindset that may not be our own. We can be easily persuaded by the news, strong-willed peers, or life circumstances that may bring us down and change our thinking. We tend to take on other people’s negative energy, perceptions, and drama. These lead to increased anxiety, lack of motivation, very pessimistic thinking, or “stinkin thinkin.” When we begin to lose track of our thoughts and allow them to consume us, we lose sight of ourselves, what makes us happy, what goals we have, or what we stand for. 

One way I encourage you to combat this is by journaling, daily reflection, or grounding techniques. We need to check ourselves daily to make sure that we are staying true to ourselves, and that we did not hold onto the negativity and problems of others. 

By writing down our thoughts and evaluating them we are able to “Catch it, check it, change it.” This means we can write down how we are feeling and reframe those thoughts to be something more positive or optimistic. We have the power to control our thinking, it’s no one else’s fault or responsibility to improve our minds.

The Circle of Control Wheel – Your Words

Next on the circle of control wheel is – Your Words.

Your level of communication, respect, advocacy, and boundaries will be determined by the words you use to express yourself. If we don’t empower ourselves with words, everything about who we are and what we want will be lost. Furthermore, allowing the words from others to pierce us will create doubt and anxiety. Enforcing boundaries, sharing our thoughts and opinions, and advocating our needs and wants, are all extremely important to maintain our independence and identity. 

If we lose sight of our self-importance and start focusing on the things that are outside our control, we will start to see a decline in our self-esteem, confidence, motivation, follow-through, or efforts towards working on our goals. An important tool here is to protect yourself with a shield of armor that will keep the negative words of others out of our lives and away from our progress in recovery and strength.  

“There is power in your words. What you say is what you get”- Zig Ziglar

The Circle of Control – Your Decisions, Reactions, And Behavior

Next on our wheel will be – My decisions, My reactions, and My Behavior

I believe these all work together – the choices we make, the actions/ behaviors that we exhibit, and the reactions we have to people, places, or things. By taking control of our own behaviors and stopping worrying about others we are going to feel like we lost 100 lbs. The weight of the world will be taken off our shoulders and we will no longer feel as though we are personally responsible for the lives of others or vice versa no one will be in charge of our life but us! 

We must remember that by making decisions we must accept failures along the way. We must remember that by reacting poorly we must face consequences or less desirable outcomes. We must remember that our behaviors will also define who we are and what we want. By engaging in behaviors that are harmful to ourselves or others, creates increased stress, anxiety, isolation, avoidance, and a muddled control wheel. We need to use our actions as a way to define ourselves, again setting those boundaries, embracing changes, and seeking support so that we can continue to work on being our best selves and building a supportive team around us.

The Circle of Control – Your Destiny

Last but not least you are in control of – Your destiny

No one gets to tell you what to do, how to do it, or if you can do it. You are the only one that gets to fulfill your hopes and dreams. Only YOU can put in the time and effort needed to reach your highest potential. Don’t expect anyone to pave the way for you. If you want something you must go out and get it, be resilient, find your grit, and most importantly don’t ever give up. If something gets in your way, you get creative with your path and find new ways to achieve your goals. 

When you start to allow outside influences to determine your future, you lose. You will find yourself broken and tattered. Go out and get what you want, life is short, don’t hesitate. Don’t seek approval from others unless you are confident, they are part of your important support team.

When it comes to your mental health and your way of life, get out your screwdriver and be a force to be reckoned with. Hold up your circle, find your strength and take charge. At the end of the day, we need to arm ourselves with the tools we need to keep pushing and fighting, doing it for ourselves and not allowing others to change the course of the journey we have envisioned.

Research the “Circle of Control” to learn more about this tool and ways to implement it into your life. Follow me on Facebook, Vikingland Community Support Program, Instagram, and LinkedIn.

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