Self-Doubt – Mental Health Toolbox Part 3 – The Saw

The Saw represents to me, the act of getting rid of or reducing all the toxic situations and negativity that surrounds us. If we don’t, this dramatically limits our ability to cope with our mental health and increases our symptoms, and makes us self-doubt ourselves. The saw, which is similar to the boundaries or assertiveness, allows us to eliminate those that are unsupportive, that cause drama, or generate self-doubt. It allows us to remove negative thoughts or triggers that increase our anxiety and damage our recovery.

My mom Jane is the saw in my family, like most mothers she was aware of the situations her children were in and the need to remove them from danger or negativity that could cause them harm or pain. Her instinct is to always make sure we are safe and happy. It’s important for us to instill this theory inside ourselves.

One of the most important pieces of this tool is identifying “Toxic People”. I enjoy this article with Toxic Relationship quotes and description by Cindy Athey; Toxic Relationships: How to Identify Them – Cindy Athey, MS, MCAP, SAP (cindythecounselor.com). She describes 6 types of people that we need to be able to identify and set boundaries with immediately. The Narcissist, The Controller, The Drama Magnet, The Energy Vampire, The Compulsive Liar, and The Green-eyed. I encourage all of you to check this out, read about the different personalities that surround you, and then ask yourself some questions. Think about those you are currently spending your time with, and take a moment to observe how you feel when you are around those people. What happens? Do you start to feel anxious, agitated, tense, angry, or short of breath? Do you often feel that “All I have are negative thoughts”? Do you feel yourself not feeling good enough, questioning your every move? Are you constantly being judged or pulled into problems that are not your own? Do you start self-doubting yourself because of these? These situations are ones I can relate too, constantly walking on eggshells, questioning your every move, or being manipulated to feel a certain way. When you start to notice yourself feeling different around certain people, we need to document these red flags and examine that relationship. I will tell you that no one gets the right to tell you Who, What, When, Where, Why, and How you will live your life. When this starts to happen, you lose your identity, your anxiety becomes paralyzing, your depression tanks, and you can struggle to even get out of bed and starts to believe that you truly are a worthless person with nothing to offer and spend a lifetime pleasing others. Gas lighting and co-dependency are just a few other terms used to describe people that are in toxic/abusive relationships. How to escape an abusive relationship? These are very serious situations, I encourage you in these moments to be like the “saw” and eliminate them, seeking help immediately. There are agencies all around you that can get you to a safe place. My community has “Someplace Safe” they will advocate and assist anyone involved in an abusive relationship. You can also seek other forms of support from https://ncadv.org/get-help. Toxic people, situations, negative thoughts, and negativity can create too many layers of problems, which damages our mental health and increase self-doubt, hinders our recovery, and makes any tool we try to use, difficult.

Now that we have pointed out the areas that need to be shaped and trimmed of excess negativity, we need to implement boundaries. Setting boundaries and eliminating people from our life can be stressful, it can create a lot of pushback, but stand strong. You have to remember that every day you get up we have a choice, we can either be “ME” responsible and take action in our own lives or continue to be people pleasers and allow those around us, or situations around us to determine how we will live our lives and how we feel about ourselves.